Before learning about Non-Violent Communication (NVC), I was deeply confused about human relationships, particularly romantic ones – how do they work, why do they sometimes go wrong, how can I nurture them? I was stuck in reactions and would often get paralyzed between standing up for myself and being there for the other person. (I also didn’t really know how to show up for the other person, but the intention was enough to paralyze me.) In conflict, I would often ask myself “What should I say?” which encapsulates a lot of this confusion.
NVC gave me a framework and practice that cut through all that. It gave me a vision of relationships where I can both get what I need and support others in getting what they need. It gave me a framework to talk about what’s going on between people that helped me navigate difficult moments. It helped me lean into authenticity where I would have previously been silent or disingenuous. It inspired me to show up for others in a way that was just not available to me before. It also taught me that others can be with my pain without buckling under the weight, which was immensely liberating. Overall, it has resulted in relationships that feel much richer, alive, and meaningful.
Sometimes when I tell people this, they say that they have read the book. Unfortunately, it’s a poor substitute for the lived experience, deliberate practice, and witnessing that a different way of relating is possible. What got me to really pay attention was being with somebody who actually tried to live this way, moment to moment. It just hits different. As a result, I ended up doing several courses with Connecting2Life, who I can recommend wholeheartedly. If that’s too steep of an entry, this workshop video by Marshall Rosenberg, the person who came up with NVC, can give you a taste.